Understanding Words Unsaid

There’s an old saying that goes something like this: “It is better to remain silent and let people think that you are a fool than it is to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

Sometimes leaders are dying to open their mouths when it is better to remain silent. As counterintuitive as it sounds, sometimes leaders can speak life into a situation by remaining mum.

For example, at some point, leaders will get dragged into the middle of a “hot rumor.” During those times, silence is truly golden.

Consider the following hypothetical scenario: The water-cooler talk is something like, “Did you know that Pastor Greg disinvited Pastor Belinda from the leadership meeting for no good reason at all? And he’s supposed to be so caring!”

Well, I might have had a really good reason for not inviting Pastor Belinda to one particular meeting. But that doesn’t mean I should share the reason if it is otherwise inappropriate to do so.

“And I heard that Pastor Greg disinvited her because she’s smarter than he is and he knows it. He’s just insecure.”

OK, so now I really want to share the reason. I can’t have people thinking that one of their leaders is insecure—and more importantly, people need to know I’m way smarter than Pastor Belinda.

Not so fast.

When information is confidential or should not be shared, then we should refrain from sharing it, even if sharing the information dispels a false rumor or protects our personal integrity.

So back to our hypothetical scene: Let’s say the truth is that Pastor Belinda was rude to several other pastors due to the stress she was feeling from a situation at home and that she asked to skip the meeting as part of a cooling-off period. Sharing that information would “prove” that I had a good reason and that I wasn’t being mean or vengeful.

But an exceptional leader will not share private information to dispel a rumor, and an exceptional leader will not put someone else on blast to protect his reputation. Keeping Pastor Belinda’s private matters private by keeping silent “speaks” life into her and into the overall situation.